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An eleven-year-old has an outburst over buying the right pair of pants… a four-year-old has a tantrum over going to bed.
Can these two children have anything in common?
Although these two children are at different developmental ages, they do in fact have something in common. In this moment, these children lack self-control.
Self-control is the ability to choose between a socially acceptable skill for getting what you want and an impulsive action. Have you ever been surprised by your child's ability to be in control one minute and out of control the next? Every child will lose control at one time or another. But does your child consistently hold it together or blow up at the unexpected turns that life can take?
At every age, your child will struggle with new issues of self-control. The good news is, regardless of your child's age, you can take an active role in teaching self-control.
What You Can Do:
There is a lot that you can do to make this aspect of skill development easier on your child. You will know your child has self-control when you find yourself intervening less often in his or her troubles. You are making progress when you notice less whining, complaining, catastrophes and tantrums. Here are some strategies that will increase your child's success in having self-control
1.Provide Structure
Structure, clear boundaries, regular routines and predictable limits will help your child to make sense of his environment. Regardless of his age, your child will respond with more self-control if he is able to anticipate the timing of dinner, bedtime, homework time and free time.
2. Set Firm, Clear Limits And Follow Through Effectively.
Consistent discipline regarding safety and respect will help your child learn that her behavior has consequences. It is important for your child to recognize that she can make different choices that have results that are more positive.
Choosing a socially acceptable action over an impulsive one comes when your child realizes she has this option.
3. Validate Feelings And Assist With Language Development.
Your child needs to know that all feelings are acceptable but all actions are not. It is okay to say you're angry but not okay to hit someone to express your anger.
If your child is younger than preschool age his language development may be affecting his ability to ask for what he needs. But remember, if your child is an adolescent, his thoughts and feelings may be ahead of his ability to express him self. Find ways to encourage discussion of feelings, preferably when emotions are under control.
4. Teach Social Skills.
A myth about good social skills is that that they will come with age. Not so. Your child may need you to take an active role in nurturing and sustaining friendships at every developmental age, some to show them and encourage them in their pursuit of friends that appreciate them for who they are.
5. Evaluate Sleep Patterns.
Daytime behavior is a direct result of night time sleep. There is a phenomenon sweeping the country and it is called sleep deprivation. Your child regardless of whether she is a toddler or a teenager needs a lot of sleep to function at her best. Did you know a child age twelve still requires 9 ½ hours of sleep each night? Encouraging a good night's sleep will go a long way to increasing your child's self-control.
6. Encourage Self-Calming And Self-Entertaining.
Self-calming is the ability to find your own ways of getting under control. If your child is young, it might be a blanket, a thumb or hug from you. If your child is older, it might be writing in a journal, listening to music or retreating to a quiet spot. Whatever your child uses to calm, encourage it. He is showing you he knows how to get under control and that he knows what helps him to do so.
Self-entertaining is the ability to spend time alone doing something productive. In this age of structured play and activities, your child is probably not encouraged enough to use his imagination to play without structure. You can do so much to help your child learn the necessary skills for self-entertaining. Start by suggesting things to do, give your child a list or begin by starting him off with something you know he will become engaged in. Learning to self-entertain contributes to increased self-control and school success.
7.Nurture Independence.
In age-appropriate ways, you can give your child the independence she needs to feel in control of her environment. In today’s society we tend to either give our children too little or too much independence. There is a delicate balance between letting your child make decisions right for her age and letting your child run your home. Self-control is an important skill to learn because so much is expected of our children in today's society. Life will be easier for your child if he can adapt to and be flexible enough to meet the challenges that are an inevitable part of growing up. Remember, you can teach your child this valuable skill. If we can be of help to you, please call us. It will be our pleasure.
Sincerely,
Helana Cauliffe R.N.
American Dragon Martial Arts Academy
(954) 255-6545 |
